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Quick Sex Recipe - Thirty Minutes or Less

By Pala Copeland and Al Link

Quick, satisfying sex is one of the great oxymorons of our time. An oxymoron is the juxtaposition of two things that you would not expect to go together-like "biggest little whorehouse in Texas", "virgin birth", "predictable chaos", "random order", "congressional ethics", "progressive conservative", "even odds", "military intelligence", "junk food", and "jumbo shrimp". Our mission impossible assignment, and we decided to accept it, was to come up with a thirty-minute recipe for great sex. Get your stopwatches out. Thirty minutes or less-and it is free-here is the recipe.

Make eye contact. Hold that eye contact. You say something like, "You are gorgeous, completely stunning. I am rendered speechless just looking at your smile. I am so turned on that I can't help myself." Come together kissing-deep French kisses using your tongues. She immediately grabs you by the crotch. You moan, "Oh God!" Your erection is already a major event. She whispers into your ear, "I want you inside me, right now!" Time elapsed: 5 minutes!

You throw her down onto the floor, or swoop her up in your arms and onto a bed or nearby couch, or large padded chair. You jump on top of her in an instant. Tear each other's clothes off. If you have really abandoned yourselves, really let go of all control, you will actually rip and tear them. She takes the tails of your shirt and yanks it open, ripping off several buttons in the process. You pull her skirt up around her hips, grasp her panties in both hands and tear them from her body in one swift action. You are both breathless and growling like animals. Time elapsed: 7 minutes!

Push her bra up around her neck and suck hard on her exposed breasts, cupping them in your hands as you work them, building her desire to a frenzy. Her nipples are hard knobs of excitement. She moans and cries out with the pleasure of it. You whisper in abandoned passion, "I've got to have you. I want you. I love you." She replies, "Yes, yessssss! Please give it to me." Elapsed time: 10 minutes!

She unzips your pants and takes your penis and scrotum full into her hand. Your are already on the edge of ejaculating-your excitement is so intense. She pulls your scrotum down from your body, as you scream, "Ahhhhhgggg", a primal animal scream that carries the hot sexual energy up through your body away from your burning, bulging genitals. Her gentle testicle tugging, and your primal animal scream help you delay your ejaculation. Elapsed time: 13 minutes!

You turn around and enclose her erect clitoris in your mouth. She takes your jade stalk into her mouth. You suck in unison. She climaxes instantly and cries out, "Oh yes baby, yessss! Please give it to me. I can't wait another minute." You put your index and middle finger one to two inches insider her yoni, turning them up toward the ceiling and finds the G-spot. She climaxes again, deeper this time and more internally, as she writhes and moans in delight. Pre-cum drips from the end of your penis as she now holds it in her hand for caressing and adoration. She licks the clear, odorless, tasteless, deliciously slippery liquid as fast as it is secreted. She knows this is not ejaculate, but an indication of your peak arousal. Elapsed time: 20 minutes!

As you roll over, she settles on top of you, taking you full inside with one swift, incredibly agile move. She gasps at the enormous magnitude of you, and her ejaculate gushes out hotly across your pubic bone, dribbling down to tickle your anus. She begins thrusting rapidly, screaming like a wildcat. Elapsed time: 29 minutes!

She climaxes for the third time as she presses down hard against you, at the same moment reaching down with the index finger of her left hand, and pushing it ruthlessly into your anus. You cum instantly. Sweat covers your bodies as you lie still together-sated, spent, all tension gone, completely at peace, delirious in the safety and comfort of each other's embrace. Elapsed time: 30 minutes!

And now, back to reality-although quick satisfying sex for both parties is not impossible, it is rare. You may think half an hour is not "quick sex", after all according to Durex' Global Sex Survey 2000 the average time for lovemaking around the world is under 30 minutes, but hey, who wants to be average? When you consider sexual satisfaction, 30 minutes may be plenty of time for a man to get his rocks off but women generally need longer, especially when making love with a partner. While many women can regularly reach orgasm through masturbation-the Sinclair Sexuality Institute says 60% do-a recent Cosmpolitan survey reports only 18% always find the big O with a lover. Too little time and lack of technique are the big culprits.

Men, especially younger men, seem to enjoy having their genitals touched at any time. This is rarely the case with most women-when a man reaches for breasts or genitals as the first touch it's a turn-off, not a turn-on. That's because women take much longer than men to come to full arousal. Remember this one-liner? "Women are ready 15 minutes after men are finished." Although women have as much erectile, pleasure-giving tissue as men, most of it is inside. The woman's clitoris becomes erect and hard as arousal and excitement builds during sexual play. Her inner and outer lips, and the soft tissues at the entrance to the vagina, will become engorged with blood as passion increases. Eventually the entire inside of the vaginal canal will become plump, juicy and sensitized, but it can take as much as an hour or more before she is really ready and eager for penetration. Without proper lubrication of these fragile tissues, intercourse can be unpleasant or downright painful. Even if you use a lubricant, like Astroglide or Eros, until her vaginal canal is relaxed and open with excitement, penetration won't give her the delightful sensations you'd both like.

Men also find quickies more satisfying than women because they generally enjoy sex at any time. If men make an emotional connection at all, it will be after they have had sex, whereas women often require a heart connection to build their interest. With quick sex aimed at satisfying only her partner's needs a woman may feel she's being used. She may be reminded of a painful experience of sexual abuse, or she may feel guilt and shame based on years of religious and cultural sex-negative conditioning that still says good girls do not really enjoy sex-if they do, they are sluts or whores. Fast sex can bring up this disrespectful imagery, and for women, respect is ultimately important. Fortunately, more women are beginning to claim their right to sexual pleasure as a natural part of a full life, and that includes sexual satisfaction at their pace.

For men, admiration is ultimately important, and admiration from their buddies seems to matter the most-especially for younger men. Men admire other men who get a lot of sex, and they seem most impressed by the man who gets a lot of fast sex! The more mature a man becomes in his sexuality, the less this will be true-he'll value the opinions of his buddies less, and of his woman more. Women, especially younger women, are often looking for a committed relationship that will develop and last with great sex as part of it, whereas young men although eager for sex, may rather avoid being tied down in a relationship. For women, loveless sex outside of relationship may make them feel bad about themselves, but for men, sex outside of relationship is an ego-boosting conquest, that confirms they are attractive, desirable and powerful. This difference in perspective leads to very different feelings about fast sex.

This is not to say that women cannot enjoy quickies, they can, but as an occasional experience when the time, energy and feeling is right-for example, if you have been separated for some time. You get back together and jump on each other. Neither of you can wait to even say hello. The whole thing can be over in a few delirious moments. However, it's better-for both of you-if this first quickie is followed by a delicious lingering loving, during which you become intimately reacquainted. Both lovers can also enjoy sex as a way to release tension-fast hot sex is a great way to make up after an argument. Sometimes a woman will take pleasure in fast sex, because she knows it pleases her man, that he really "needed" it to relieve stresses of work or school for instance.

Another scenario in which women honestly enjoy fast sex (as opposed to pretending to or just tolerating it) may be at a party or a bar, where the two of you are complete strangers who make intense eye contact. You approach each other; your pheromones mingle and drive you into an instant, lusty frenzy. As Lou Reed says, "I think it's chemical." There is something about the eyes, the shape of the mouth, the tone of voice, the cut of hair, the exposed cleavage, or the bulge in the pants, that drives you wild in a completely irrational way. You go outside in a dark alley, into your car, or into a storage room and get it on fast and furious. Very few words may have been spoken. You are animals in rut. The danger of it, the excitement of it, the forbiddeness of it, can be so overwhelming that you (especially the woman) act in a way uncharacteristic of your usual behavior.

Speaking of erotic recipes, here is a fun exercise that you can do to get ready for that passionate quickie. Pick any recipe from any cookbook. Add erotica to any part of the recipe to create an erotic poem. Food and poetry are so deliciously erotic! Here is an example to give you the idea.

Tomato-Basil Soup - The Original Recipe

Saute the onion and garlic in olive oil in a skillet until tender. Add the tomatoes. Cook over medium heat for 10 minutes. Add the tomato sauce, broth, cream, and half of the basil. Simmer for 30 minutes. Process in a blender until smooth. Return to the pan. Add the bread, remaining basil, and Parmesan cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Garnish with additional cheese, oil, and pesto if desired.

Tomato-Basil Erotica or Thirty Minutes Would Never be Enough!

Saute your lover with onions and garlic,
thrusting heavy on the garlic.
Rub penis and clit together, drenched in warm olive oil
until tender but still firm -
"el dente" esta bien!
Sauce it up by spreading overripe tomatoes onto tummies,
using soft circular strokes
slowly at first then speeding up
sigh and moan to adjust temperature to boiling
but do not allow penis-Vesuvius to erupt!
Simmer all day and all night, and the next day if desired,
30 minutes would never be enough.
Blend together, golden rod and fig pocket, like mortar and pestel
keeping everything smooth.
Turn the heat on and off,
squeezing the golden rod to add cream
at the very last moment.

Have fun and take care of each other. Remember, there is nothing wrong with quickies, as long as that is not all you do!

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